I have vague dreams of another life, a very different, less happy, less content and incomplete life. Then I realise those are not my dreams but memories of my past.
I discovered myself very late on – I was 55 when I first released the feelings from their internal blocks and almost 56 before I accepted and embraced the fact that the feelings were knowledge and the authentic me.
The challenge for me has been exactly that – how to believe, to embrace and – yes, I felt I had to do this – justify the feelings. So much content about transgender journeys and individual stories starts with ‘I always knew…’. Well, I didn’t – not consciously anyway and since the day I accepted the reality I have felt the need to defend and justify. Only very recently have I relaxed into just being me and being who I was always meant to be.
Today I am at peace with myself, I changed my name 15 months ago and transitioned full-time almost 12 months ago. I did this at the same place of work and my colleagues and my company have been simply amazing!
I sired 4 amazing children and they have been simply unbelievable – it is such a challenge for them but they have been so supportive!
The challenges for me were about the need to justify myself but, more importantly, understanding the impact on my circles, family and friends – for me the process has been a journey of blissful fulfilment and my old life is but a dream; for my children, brothers and sister it has been huge hurdle to cross.
Today I see life through a very different lens and the inner contentedness and feeling of being whole are just unbelievable. One downside I should mention is that my apartment just cannot manage enough wardrobe space!